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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
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Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
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